Updated: Sep 19, 2018
My mind has changed over the years about what I think makes something #beautiful.
Everyone says, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Hmmm…
So, because life is lived forward but remembered backward, I began to meditate on years gone by. As I thought about my life I began to see a #pattern.
When I was a child I looked up to my mother.
When I was a #teenager I looked up to my peers.
When I became an adult, I looked up to #Hollywood.
When I became a mother, I looked up to my children.
Holy Moly! With me, the #cycle repeats itself. (Jaw drops)
That means I have a call to action to be the kind of beautiful my #children look up to.
I wish I could tell you this epiphany came to me once my first child was born. It did not.
Or, hey- maybe the second child…since the first one is kind of a crap shoot when it comes to how to be a #mom. (It’s all brand new.) But…nope.
By then I was still “doing me” just trying to be a working mom and keep my head above water. I was too busy to contemplate #life choices. That’s why number three came along 1 year after number two. I decided to opt for a tubal ligation because no way, no how was I having six children like my mom. Still, not even after that did I have this epiphany.
I don’t know what age, #season, financial status or otherwise qualifies a person to be “ready” to have a child. I would venture to say that it is all relative. Every individual is a different story. Even when a child is planned carefully there are always variances that we don’t account for. In other words, there is no such thing as perfect #timing.
Times change. Look at all the changes you see in the world since you were a child.
I am writing to you after being a mom for seventeen years. Not days or even months.
I have birthed three children and now have two step children who live with me.
I know. Funny how things work out. Pray for me.
So… when did I have that “great epiphany”? Today.
Wait. What? Why today?
What made me meditate on years gone by just today?
I have been in the process of redesigning myself from the inside out for the last year.
During my journey I was challenged to look at my past. Once I dealt with some issues, I vowed to not go back there since those days are over. Yesterday is dead and gone. Today is all I have.
Here is a “fun” fact about me. I only tend to be one of two ways.
I am either completely impulsive and jump in before I realize what I’m doing or the polar opposite- I over think it to death.
I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a while. Most days the conversation in my head goes somewhat like this: “A blog? Who am I kidding?” (Enter lots of chatter and confusion)
Then, I give up before I start and move onto the next matter of business.
TODAY was different though. Something happened. I heard something.
“You can do it mommy!” (in my daughter’s voices) I literally looked around. My kids are at school. Am I going crazy? Immediately I thought about the girl’s and their bedroom I recently remodeled.
I thought about their lives and what they are looking at that they call beautiful.
Everything disappeared except my thoughts and inner voice. I call it Holy Spirit. You can call it what you will. “Write!” it said.
So, I am. No matter how much I missed it or made ugly choices in my personal life, God has never stopped pursuing me. I often tell my girls that it’s not what’s on the outside that makes you beautiful but who is on the inside. So, taking my own guidance- I am leading by example and #redesigning myself.
“What is a redesign” you ask?
In #decorating terms it’s when you re-use existing things in your #home to completely change the look of the #interior. You may reorganize, redecorate or repurpose furniture, accessories and other #décor to update your space.
The same relates to life. I can come to #God just as I am, existing interior, no matter how worn or outdated, and all and let him redesign me. I decided I am the change I want my children to see in the world. It starts with me. Change can be scary. Which is why most people never start.
I didn’t know the reason I was in so much pain for the last two years was because I was birthing something. Just like giving birth in the natural- there is no “perfect” timing. The “baby” comes when its time one way or the other. My season has changed. I’m giving birth to my dreams.
I even started my own business this year, Angela Lahay Designs, LLC. I specialize in interior
decorating, remodeling and color consultations. The beautiful interiors, #clothes and designs I will share with you in this #blog all stem from my personal life and #business. It is my desire to be an #influencer. Someone who stands out as beautiful in this world. I hope to let my light shine by sharing inspiration, beauty and purpose with you. Hopefully sparking something inside of you to come alive too.
One day my children will be more influenced by others than by me. Today I realized I am the beautiful my daughters (and sons- but eh, there’s #fortnite…) currently look up to.
We all have a great #responsibility to first change inside ourselves if we ever aspire to help anyone else. I promise to give you the #authentic version of me as this #journey progresses. If I can do it, you can too. I hope you will come along.
Love you guys!
“God is within her, she will not fail.”
– Psalm 46:5
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”
Bonus- Full video or “the reveal” with girls’ reactions are on my YouTube Channel. Check it out here!